Change4life's Weblog by: Dr. Rod Kirk

Posted in The Kirk's European Vacation

Well the last weekend before leaving and we began to pack.  If we could only watch ourselves from a ‘third party kind of way’ we just might figure out why we think the way we do.  I realized that I tend to over think the most insignificant items in my life – yet for much more difficult decisions, I tend to be very instinctual.  You see I have this mini playoff in my head on my favorite, shirts, jeans, shorts and unmentionables.  It’s kind of external force, that somehow enters my thoughts.  As if  to say ‘think really hard about the most trivial items and you will ensure the vacation your life. 

That same day I spoke with my brother in-law about a few details of our travel.  When we were signing off, I said we will see you in a few weeks.  He mentioned that he and his family just couldn’t wait to see us.  It hit home.  The magnitude of our trip hit the core of my being.  We are travelling to Europe for three weeks.  I am excited for my wife and children. 

After hanging up the phone, I sat in the living room silently and was truly overwhelmed.  The trip is about the experience, friends and family.  It’s about life long memories and removing excuses about visiting your family oversea.  It’s about doing it now rather than waiting for some other time that may be better.  It’s about enjoying your life and the wonderful opportunities within it.  

I am a little uncertain why I was so emotional after I hung up the phone.  But, one thing I am certain about –  is that it probably has nothing to do with my favorite socks and underwear I’m bringing.

Posted in The Kirk's European Vacation

When I reflect back on my first day of school at CRB, I could never have imagined that I would be standing in front of you today.  →It feels like I have been given a blank canvas to paint a picture of the life we have shared together at CRB.

Where to begin and where should I end? 

 Like many masterpieces they are only moments in time – a snap shot – of the artists view and interpretation of their surroundings.

 Tonight →I would like to paint a picture for you in your mind.  The great thing about the painting in each of our minds is that it will be different.

 To help demonstrate this point, take a look around the gym. →We have all have created portraits of ourselves. Even though we all had the same instructions look at how different everybody’s portrait is. →

 Even the finest pieces of art are interpreted differently.

  For some the picture in your mind will include→ little babies growing up right in front of their eyes. →  For others they will see the next generation of teachers, doctors, business men and women or human right activists. Other’s they will see the graduation gift and party that lies around the corner. →→→→→→

The point is each one of us has the exceptional ability to be unique and capable.

 I decided that my picture will be an abstract painting, because when I layer it with all the great memories I have had at CRB there would be a multitude of colours all mixed together.

 There is a saying that ‘We do not remember days, we remember moments.’

 So my painting will be filled with a series of moments in time.

 Time in the dictionary→ is defined as the continuous passage of existence→ in which events pass from a state of potentiality in the future, →through the present, →to a state of finality in the past 

 If we all take a moment and think about time, it’s easy to understand that our lives are filled with lots of little moments. → For myself I kind of wonder where all of those moments have gone and I’m sure most of you do to.

 Wow, we are off to high school next year (cheer) →→→

  Moment by moment our lives are filled with experiences that define who we are and who we may grow up to be.

  When we look back, I hope we realize that all of the friendships made at CRB, → the teachers that have guided us, → our parents advice good and bad →and the time when we all told jokes coming back from Quebec, has helped each one of us become the people we are today.

 Our lives have been shaped by similar and different experiences.  Yet we all sit here today with the common ground of graduating GRADE 8.

 Our experiences have produced moments of fun and laughter, and moments of tears and worries.

 There were first moments; learning to ski or staying over night at Brock.

 There were band medals, wonderland and spoons with Mrs. Andrews.  Tarzan ropes, Muskoca, rock band with Mr. O Grady and circus school, Moguls and the streets of Quebec.

 First break, second break and pizza day.  →Sorry Mom and Dad there were good lunches and bad ones. 

 Hot days cold days and the best of all snow days. →→→ 

 There was school tragedy and school triumph.

 There was whispering in class and talking by the locker, → the gym, →the library, the portables the………you get the idea.

No matter how you look into the past it is these moments that have united us here today, which are all moments in my life that I will never forget.

 Remembering these moments are powerful because they can lift your spirit when you’re feeling down.

 The great thing about my painting is that these same moments will help shape who we are and challenge us on who we will become.

 Moments will challenge us to make hard decisions – that may sometimes not turn out the way we want. →→→ But the great thing about moments is that there will always be another.

 Moments will teach us that we always have decisions in life – that’s why I want to include moments in my picture

 Moments are opportunities to be great. Anything and everything you do is a moment.  Some you will remember and some you will forget.  Some you will choose to forget and some you won’t be able to.  That’s why I want to paint this picture.  So I won’t forget.

 Today we will stand here before our parents graduating from Grade 8.  They have watched us grow up from babies all the way to teenagers; they too wonder where their moments have gone. 

 The only exception to this rule is a certain person in my family who keeps having another 29th birthday. →→→

 Our parents paint a different picture then ours today but I am certain it includes a swoosh of pride, a dabble of envy and a whole lot of love.

 One thing is for sure this moment is a great feeling. → It’s filled with friendship, excitement, wonder, and emotions. →We can feel the love from our family and friends and the pride our teachers have for us.

 Time is interesting that way. It never stops, and nor will it ever.

 The moments that surround us will keep coming, some good some bad but either way they will never stop. It’s exciting to think of what moments lay ahead of us.

 I would like to ask all the graduates to take a moment tomorrow to paint one colour with one stroke of a paint brush on this canvas to help me create an abstract painting of today’s graduation.

 Remember John Lennon once said

          ‘A dream you dream alone is only a dream, a dream you dream together is reality”

 But for this moment, thanks for making this a great graduating class I will never forget.

 When I look at the painting in my mind, I realized that I painted a beautiful picture filled with love, friendships, and laughter and I couldn’t have painted it any other way.

Posted in Love, Spirit

My daughter is growing up.  We celebrated a birthday recently – it wasn’t mine but somehow I felt older.  It didn’t seem long ago the birth of my first child arriving.  My wife and I thought we would have our first child before she turned thirty and our beautiful daughter arrived the day before my wife turned thirty.  Thirteen years later and …..where has the time gone?  My daughter is a remarkable human being.  Thoughtful, caring and empathetic to people and issues around her.  Her wonderful sense of humour lends to her personality.  She never allows my wife or I to leave the house without saying “I love you”.  There are times I am overwhelmed with emotion with just the thought of her.  You can imagine the feelings on ‘her’ birthday.  The frightening thing I started to speed ahead of time.  Next year high school, then maybe off to school somewhere.  I allowed my mind to keep going and she was out of the house living her life.  Successful, confident and creating a loving atmosphere for her own family one day.  She is a true reflection of her mothers brilliance.  It was another one of those moments that reminded me why we are taught to live in the moment. Even tough it wasn’t my birthday – I realize the gifts that I had that day.

Posted in Love, Uncategorized

When the first place team is playing the last place team it usually isn’t a pretty site.  Although my son’s team recently won their first game and then promptly won the following game reality set in when they were up against the first place team in our loop.  I am glad my son does not follow the standings because it is a sure fire way to add another component of demoralization to young athletes who may struggle with the ability to separate outcome from effort.  A matter of fact I rarely follow standings as well – however this day was different.  I went onto the OMHA web page so I could get a complete list of games to plug into my Blackberry.  There it stood the link to my son’s minor Peewee AAA standings.  With only two wins to their season it doesn’t take a Nobel Prize winner to see where the team will fall in the standings.  But, similar to being told not to stare straight into a solar eclipse – I just had to look.  I wasn’t too sure what I was expecting to find out that I didn’t already know.  But, for one thing I didn’t think I would learn that much about myself.

          After recognizing that tonight our boys were up against the top team in our loop – the Brampton Battalion, I felt a mild sinking in my stomach.  With only one loss to Oakville, another team that had already handily beat us twice, I found myself thinking of the movie ‘A Fish Called Wanda’.   In the movie when Archie – played by John Cleese was Mocking Otto played by Kevin Kline he said ‘they whooped your hide real good’.  For a brief moment I thought how that sentence might be appropriate for tonight’s contest.  If the team that beat up on us twice, beat the first place team and handed them their only loss what will that mean for us?  I was already getting anxious for my son because it was his turn to play this evening.  He is a goalie and there will be no easy way around this one.  As a father and goalie coach to my son I had to help him.  You know get prepared and psyched for the game.  Pump him up so to speak.  I needed to impart some father/coaching advice.  The problem was I wouldn’t be getting to the game until the end of the first.  My wife was going to bring my daughter to her championship volleyball game.  My son will be all alone to prepare for the big game.

          I have an idea I will write down the key coaching trigger words I teach to the goalies.  These are the words to help prepare them mentally before each game.  I will place the words on his equipment bag and he can read them before he gets picked up for the game.  What a great idea I thought.  He can read them, heighten himself flick his switch and he will be good to go.  You know be ready to play ‘better’.  I took a silver Sharpie out and wrote it on a 4 x 6 index card. 

-         play to win the mini – games

-         the first mini game is the most important

-         stay alert and fight to see the puck

-         have a strong warm up

-         I will see you there at the second period

-         Have fun I love you

I placed it on his already packed hockey bag – that he placed by the front door before he left for school.  That way he won’t miss it.  I got ready for work.  Something wasn’t right. I started to back the car out and thought to myself.  Did his goalie coach just write that or his father?  Did I just write that for him or did I write it for me?  What was I thinking? 

I stopped the car and went back inside to tear up my note.  My son plays hockey not me.  Sure it’s only naturally to try and do whatever it takes to help our children be more successful.  As an added bonus it’s my responsibility as a coach to prepare players for the game.  As a coach it is equally important to prepare players for life.  But, I knew this note was generated with different intentions.  It was to make me feel better.  The note was about me not my son.  I saw the standings and tried to come to the rescue of my son.  I wanted to help him – only because I love him and don’t want to see him fail personally.  I broke many cardinal rules of team sport when I wrote that note.  I placed my anxiousness ahead of my son’s.   My ego interfered when I personally wanted him to succeed, as if his performance would reflect on me somehow.  I felt if I could protect him with my great words of wisdom that somehow he would be better off and I would be protected. 

Lastly, I almost squandered an opportunity for my son to learn valuable life lessons on his own.  No matter what occurs he is in control of his efforts.  He will eventually require his own inner strength to overcome big hurdles in his life and ultimately make a choice how he will learn, grow and move forward.

We have an agreement as his goalie coach not to speak of the game until we reach the arena when we are both in the culture of team and coach.  I almost blew it today. 

Stories need endings. We lost 5-1.  I initially wrote how well he played, but then thought what difference it would make to the story.  What I will tell you is on the ride home Fraser said “its weird Dad but I had the most fun ever playing a game of hockey tonight”

I told him “I could tell.”

That night before bed I shared my story of the almost note I left him.  He said he understood and reminded me “that I only wanted to do things like that because I love hockey,” and then he quickly added “and me of course.”

Posted in A Year in the Life of a Hockey parent, Life Lessons From Sport, Love

Well my son was called into action to play his first exhibition game.  That was the exciting news. But, the reality sank in and I felt a little uneasy.  I wasn’t certain where my feelings were coming from.

 A little side bar – I was initially going to title this section of my blog A year in the Life of a goalie parent, but that would just perpetuate the lack of disconnect between parent’s of players and goalies.  Somehow we know the intrinsic role of the goalies position on a team, but fail to see the similar responsibilities of the other players. Therefore, a Year in the Life of a Hockey Parent became the title.  

Then I felt a knot in my guts I wouldn’t be able to bring him. I was uncertain if I was nervous for him as a goalie or a son.  You see, there is a fine line distinguishes the two.  I was also uncertain of the role I play in his successes.  For the past four years I have been on the bench and have been the goalie coach for my son.  In his big debut I will not be there for his comfort – or maybe it’s mine – or will I be there to witness his new beginning with his new team.

After all someone has to pay for all that goalie equipment. 

My dad took my son to his first game.  How fitting that my dad plays another supportive role in the life of another ‘hockey want to be’.  My wife was busy taking my daughter to her last soccer game, so without hesitation my dad stepped up to help.

It was a fairly early game on the first day back to school.  My son gets home at four o’clock and the game was at 5:15 in Georgetown approximately 45 minutes away.

I generally have little concern of the time when I work in the clinic treating people.  I rotate from person to person and am program by their appointments.  Towards the end of the day the practice is busy and the last two hours of my work day just evaporates.  But, this day it was different.  Between patients I found myself checking my watch.  ‘Ten minutes before game time, I hope he is controlling his nerves’. I thought to myself.  I checked again it must be warm up – I pictured him taking one off the noodle in warm up and wondered if it would sharpen his senses or lend itself to the uncertainties of being a goalie just prior to a game.

 More patients came and went.  With a little break between patients I went to sit in my office.  I calculated that the game must be half done.  I hope all is well.  I realized then that I don’t play the game anymore, he does.  With no way of being close to him to show my support I realized it would be indifferent if I were in the stands. 

“Rod your next patient,” my staff snapped me to attention.

I finished the day with all my focus and attention on my patients – thought I should write that in somewhere.  In my commute home I started again with the same thoughts.  The funny thing is not the obvious.  It’s not the constant flow of nerves and stress that goes through your head as a parent that just wants their child to succeed and do well.  But, rather the fact that I used the phrase on my commute home – for those of you that do not know me personally I live 1 km from home, it is true that even in that short time my mind went over to the ‘dark side’ again.  I tried to use the force not to worry, but soon realized it was too late as I walked into the house.

My dad was there to greet me, so I immediately asked “how did he do dad?”  My dad said “you better ask him.”

That can’t be good I thought to myself.  I went into the kitchen and he was eating – again. 

“How did you do, Fraser”, I said.

“You mean the team dad?” he reminded me, “we did great we won.” 

Once again I learned a valuable lesson from my kid.  More significantly what was I thinking – isolating his performance before the teams – I am my son’s goalie coach, of all people I should know the difference.  I am the one that is responsible for reminding young goalies their importance of being an integral player on the team.

“So what was the score?” I said.

“3 – 0, I got a shutout” he said, as he shovelled in another fork full of pasta.

That was it.  All the build up of my uncertainties, the constant head chatter and the illusion that somehow he can’t perform with me around was unwarranted.  I have to remind myself that the feelings inside of me are not necessarily the same feelings my son has.  Similarly, the game he plays is different then the game I play as a parent.

Posted in A Year in the Life of a Hockey parent, Life Lessons From Sport